A Howling Heart
Chapter fifty-two

Matias's POV.

Her absence renders my existence obsolete. She is everything that I am. Everything that I will be. My past, present, and future were all violently ripped away from me by my uncle. A man I honestly didn't believe would aid in the demise of my reign, in the demise of myself.

The thing about the curse from Alpha-Beta mate rejection is you never know how long until it kills you. Some go a lifetime in and out of pain, some last a few months before nature takes its course, and we are removed from the hierarchy, and another takes our place.

He is condemning me to an unknown time length, but what he knows will be agony, all in the name of power.

I feel the life drain from her, like the pain of losing a limb; it courses through my veins, sending my body into shock until I'm delirious. Esai growls as I near, but my vision is blurred red - by the blood he's spilled from my beloved. "Esai! You are a traitor amongst our pack! You have destroyed my mate! Anima mea! My soulmate! You have destroyed me! And now, you will die."

I lunge for him. A growl fierce enough to command respect from every creature in the woods tears from my lips as I grip Esai by his neck. His teeth are bared as he attempts to bite me, but it's no good. Because in loss, there is strength.

In one swift movement, I break his jaw. A whimpering exits his slackened mouth before I toss him away from me, watching the weakened stature of his wolf form roll a few feet.

Fae...

Anima mea.

My fate.

My love.

My footsteps are heavy as I stomp toward Esai. His eyes plead with me, but I have no mercy left to give. Not when what I loved has been ripped away by him.

He gave her no mercy.

So there will be none extended from me.

I stop in front of him, peering apathetically down at his suffering. My lip curls upward with malice as I regard him. My chest heaves with each ragged breath while my hands curl into fists down at my sides. "You are my blood. And you've betrayed me."

I lower myself to my knees, reaching for his neck with malicious intent. My nostrils flare with each ragged breath I draw in. My lips firm, and I keep my eyes trained on Esai's. With one swift motion, I snap his neck. Bones break, and an audible gasp echoes along the tree line, and my pain only amplifies.

Now.

Now I have lost everything.

The wolves howl from the trees as if on cue, and I hear their remorse.

The pack cries for my loss.

I've chosen to block out their voices from my head because my sorrow is too loud to distinguish from them. My eyes shift from the lifeless wolf to Fae's body, which is just as still, and for once, fear strikes me swiftly. I don't know if I can bear it.

She has died.

I have failed her.

I'm not worthy of mourning her.

Of being her mate.

I could not keep her safe.

Trees sway. Bones crack. Groans follow. Until I'm surrounded by my pack. My eyes drift to them, watching Mason move toward Fae's body, and a possessive snarl leaves my lips.

"Don't touch her! I must go to her."

I move toward her body, inhaling a sharp breath at the bloodied sight of her.

Anima mea.

If I had known you would lose everything accepting me as your mate, I would have left you alone...

I would have suffered if it meant you'd live a full life.

I would've given up Alpha for you.

I scoop her up in my arms, unable to let any other pack members touch her. My inner wolf hisses at them before I begin to walk around the mansion to the front of the house, where the moon shines down on the grass. I wish this was a bad dream.

I'd die a million times to bring her back.

Nothing compares to the pain of her absence. Absolutely nothing.

When I get to the front yard, I lay her down, peering through glossy eyes at her gorgeous face. Even in death, she appears innocent, almost like she's sleeping, and soon she'll awake and stir in my arms, and all will be right. Just as I've seen.

What has been prophesied.

My heart pounds uselessly in my chest.

Because without her, I am nothing.

The blood that pumps into my veins is meaningless.

Except it isn't. It dawns on me that with the connection of being her mate, the blood in my veins isn't useless. It is strength. It is healing.

It is life.

It's absurd.

Blood hasn't been known to resurrect the dead.

I press my hand against her chest, jaw clenching when I feel nothing.

I have nothing left to lose.

I lift my arm to my mouth, teeth dragging over my wrist. A stinging sensation alerts me that I've broken the skin, followed by a warm flow of blood. I press it to her mouth quickly, shaking my head as I watch her lips being painted red from the liquid.

Come on, Anima mea.

I know you are strong.

"Come back to me, baby. Come back."

I howl. It's a strangled noise. Not that of an Alpha, but that of a man.

A desperate man.

I press my wrist harder against her lips, to the point where I feel her teeth against my skin.

Come on! Fae, please?

My eyes lift to the moon, and I begin to beg. I beg God. Whoever controls the darkness of death and has Fae in their clutches.

Bring her back!

She is mine, and I will not let her go.

"Matias - she's gone." Tonya reaches for my shoulder.

"Get your hands off me! If you want to keep them!"

She frowns. "Matias, I'm only trying to❞

I slap her hand away. "I know what you're trying to do, Tonya. It won't work." The animosity she held towards Fae hasn't gone unnoticed. I've been questioning her loyalty to the pack.

Because anyone who is an enemy of my love is an enemy of mine.

I let my wrist continue to drain in Fae's mouth before feeling for another pulse.

Come on!

Come on, please! This can't be it. It can't be the end!

Tonya sighs. "She's gone, Matias. You're going to drain yourself completely. If that amount of blood hasn't brought her back yet, it won't happen."

I don't care to hear her reasoning. I hear how her heart hammers in her chest, and when I peer at her, I smell her desire for me.

Self-interest.

She doesn't give a crap about Fae.

She wants me to replace Fae with her.

I hiss a deep breath and pull my wrist from Fae. I graze my tongue over the wound, aware of how it's already healing shut, before I look disdainfully at the moon. The moon was supposed to bind us together forever. There is only one way we will be now.

I eye the trees before my gaze moves across the pack. Their gazes are wary as I regard them.

I know what I have to do.

If I can't live with her, I must surrender my life.

I choose death.