Just One of the Guys
Twenty Eight

Corbin

*We had sex...Knox and I had sex...*

Panic begins to build, and tears fill my eyes at the realization that he got the one thing that he's told me he's wanted since the first night we met. *Now what?*

His face transforms, instantly changing from blissfully satisfied to horror as he sees that I'm barely holding it together, on the verge of tears.

"Shit, baby...you said...Fuck!" he cries as tears begin falling from my eyes, his own bugging out in panic. "Fuck! Averi..."

"I'm sorry, I just....I can't..."

Panic ensues as the repercussions of what we've done, what I've done, settle in. I curse as I try my darndest to not completely fall apart, "You got what you wanted..."

He looks at me, obviously not following my line of thinking., "You've just made another notch on your bedpost. I should have known this was just about sex." "What? No! Why would you think that?"

"Why wouldn't I, Knox? Seriously? Why wouldn't I? If you really think about it, I'm sure you can figure it out!"

Throwing myself away from him and out of his bed, I search for my clothes and hastily shove them over my head and up my legs, Gentry's words about him flashing through my mind on repeat.

*"Everyone knows that once a girl gives it up, you drop her and are onto bangin' the next one."* Gentry had warned me without even knowing it, even Knox himself had told me that's how he works. *God, I'm so stupid!*

"Averi, this is not like that. I told you that. You're different," Knox urges, but I don't even really hear what he's saying. "Please, baby. You have to know that's not true..."

I'm too wrapped up in what we've done. I can't even bring myself to look at his handsome face. *I'm a slut.*

*That's what everyone will call me if they find out how easily I ended up giving in and spreading my legs for him.*

"This is what you do, is it not?" I manage to get out between sobs, taking a deep breath, forcing myself to calm down enough to get the rest out.

"I've heard about how you keep a girl around long enough to screw her and then you drop her like she has some kind of venereal disease. I was warned, but did I listen? Of course not."

My tears are coming so hard and so fast now that I can barely see through them as I stalk towards his doorway.

"I should have known better," I whisper to myself. "Congratulations, you got what you wanted. Guess it's time for you to move on to your next unsuspecting victim."

"What? Oh, fuck! Averi, no!" he says in a panic as he fists his hands into his dark locks of hair and takes a step towards me, only causing me to take one back. "Averi, listen to me..." "I-I can't..."

Horror, regret, and heartache crash over me as I reach behind me, twisting the doorknob and thrusting it open before dashing through the living room and out of his apartment.

"Averi...wait..." he says, following me out but stopping just inside of his door as he realizes that he doesn't have any clothes on. "Please...don't go...stay here, just a minute so we can talk once I get some shorts on..." he pleads but I can't. All that I can hear is the voice in the back of my head telling me that I've royally messed things up. I fell for the first boy with a pretty face that gave me attention and now, I'm so screwed, and he likely is too.

Once I can no longer see him, I run as fast as I can to my apartment, shutting the door as quickly but as quietly as I can manage.

Falling back against the hardwood of the door, shame and heartache consume me as a whole new wave of tears starts falling. I meant nothing to him except for a hole to stick his dick into, a means to an end. My phone on my nightstand vibrates, no doubt it's him.

**Knox: Damn it.**

**Knox: Averi.**

**Knox: Please. That's not at all what you are to me. You have to believe me. You're so, so much more.**

I read over his messages; the words blurred by tears.

**Knox: Averi...please don't do this.**

This has gone too far, and I can't do this anymore. My heart can't do this anymore. I should have kept my distance, or better yet, stayed hidden and never let Averi have a place in my new life. New life.

Because I'm in hiding and putting myself at risk over a boy: a boy that makes me weak and is too much of a temptation. Too much of a distraction, and one that I can't afford to have right now, if ever.

I've got to leave Averi behind. Remove her from the equation. It's the only smart thing that I've done since this whole thing started.

Even as hurt as I am, I know that Knox really is a good person, even if he lets his dick lead him more than he should. I can't drag him into my shit. That's not fair to him...he would end up losing himself, if not his life, and for what? Me?

I'm nothing special, definitely not worth jeopardizing his life for, not even realizing that he's at risk. Staying would be selfish. It would hurt us both, even though being around him, talking to him, makes me forget, just for a little bit, the whole reason that I'm here in the first place.

I'd only fall deeper and harder for him and I don't think that is something I would be able to come back from.

And, him?

His life is worth so much more than my momentary happiness. He deserves to have a full life where he gets to grow into the amazing man that he's capable of being. He deserves a life that doesn't include looking over your shoulder every day that you're living it. He deserves to have a family where he gets to one day be an amazing husband and father.

We're in high school. That life isn't any longer in the cards for me. And if it were, it's not likely that it would end up being with my high school flame.

Not to mention he doesn't see me in his future, how could he? I need to have more respect for myself, because if by some miracle I somehow get through this with my life still intact...there's no point in thinking about what-ifs. That isn't my

life.

My fate has already been sealed.

Shutting down my phone, I go to the bathroom, wash off the smell of Knox and sex from my body, and allow myself this one last time to cry over him, my broken heart, and a future that I will never have.

Once I've scrubbed myself near raw, I throw on a t-shirt and crawl into my bed, bury my head in my pillows and cry myself to sleep.