A Howling Heart
Chapter twenty-seven

She inhales a sharp breath, frowning at me.

I doubt she's ever considered the possibility that I would be pushed to a decision as life-altering as this. I never thought I would be, too, but I am close to my breaking point. Since before we moved here, I've been experiencing weird things. Things she has always made excuses for.

She said the dreams were probably just side effects of stress or a medicine I was taking. The nerve pain I would get randomly that mimicked hers would put real fear in her eyes, but she'd continue to explain it away.

It wasn't until her sister died, and the nerve pain episodes had gotten a bit more frequent in her and me, that she changed her mind about her sister's house and decided to move us out here. Mom pinches the bridge of her nose. "I can't take any more losses."

I uncross my arms, trying to appear more relaxed. "Then tell me."

"Alright, I'll tell you." Her eyes well with tears that roll down her cheeks.

This is a painful subject for her. One that will turn my world upside down, and she knows it.

Her defeat is deafening. It changes her body language completely. She doesn't wave for me to follow her to the living room. Her body is slower, and her shoulders are tight and tensioned. A heavy sigh leaves her lips as we sit opposite each other. "When I was your age, it started."

"What did?" Her vague statements frustrate me. She's been vague my entire life!

"The itch."

"The itch?" I resist the urge to laugh awkwardly. I did not expect her to start such a serious topic like this, but oh well.

"That's what I call the 'pull' that you feel between Matias and yourself. Only, it started between Esai and me, and I had no damn clue about what that meant. I had no clue.... What he was."

So, her situation was similar to mine? She was sort of thrown into a world she knew nothing about. Maybe that's what has made it so hard for her to tell me. She sees herself in me in more ways than one and remembers the innocence of not knowing about this Lycan world.

"A wolf."

She stares at me blankly for a second. "Except I had fallen in love..." Her lip quivers, her voice cracking as her eyes become glossy, and she diverts her vulnerable expression in a different direction to appease her own anxiety. I suppress the urge to hug her. I don't want to deter her from continuing.

"With whom?"

"Your father. And when Esai found that out, find out that I was denying him as my mate. That I'd rather be with someone else and endure the curse than spend one moment as his property, he lost control." She sniffles. "He killed him. Your father... and I ran as fast as I could. As far away as I could."

"What?"

I am in utter shock.

"He did what?" I step forward, jaw ticking as I search her expression. "You're joking, right? Esai killed him? My Mate's-Matias's uncle?"

Mom swallows nervously and rubs her red nose. She blinks rapidly to free her eyes from tears, failing as they come spilling out again.

"Yes, okay? He did!" She throws up her arms in defeat. "Why do you think I have such hatred for him? Why can't I fathom being around anything remotely reminding me of him? I rejected him, and he killed the only source of my happiness... Left you without a father... Esai is heartless. Only out for himself."

Tears sting my eyes as a warning of their arrival before tumbling down my face. "So why'd you come back?"

My mom shakes her head slowly, clasping her hands in her lap. She can't look at me now that I'm crying. Her gaze flicks to her hands, and she begins fidgeting. "I thought he was dead. And I thought that the curse would subside if I were just in town - just close to everything. The pain would end. The rot and the damn decay."

But it didn't. It even got worse. And it seems that what destiny desires ends up coming to fruition anyway because we are back in the town she wanted to escape, Esai is still alive, and he is determined for her to do what is right, and if she doesn't do what is right, I'm sure he will try and kill her as punishment.

"I tried to debunk what I thought was a myth, but I know now. The only thing I can do is the one thing I will never do. I must mate with him." It's the only answer without bloodshed."

My mother laughs mirthlessly, the sound odd. "An Alpha doesn't change if their Luna doesn't mate with them. The curse senses that the leader will be weaker than if the fated luna mates with them, so it moves down to the next generation." I gasp. "Why can't the leader pick another Luna?"

Mom sighs. "I think it all has to do with ancient strong bloodlines."

"They don't change?" My brows rise. "Into .... Wolves?"

She shakes her head before rubbing the back of her neck.

I can't imagine the kind of issues it poses to never change into your wolf form. I would assume this, by default, would keep you at a lowered state of strength, therefore making you vulnerable. Matias would be vulnerable to whatever threats came about against his pack. All if I say no to him...

I don't know if I can live with that kind of guilt. Just abandon my destiny and allow those affected to succumb to a fate they may not have had I done what my mother wasn't strong enough to do. "They never make the transition into wolves. The key is our blood during the blue moon. Our ritual.... Our acceptance. So, if we deny it, we die. We all die."

"Is that the the pain?"

She looks at me with sorrow.

"Yes... what you are feeling is the connection between you two. The consequences of denial. The inability to change is painful, like something eating you alive from the inside, but there's no way to claw it out." So Matias has never changed into a wolf?

She shakes her head. "And thank goodness."

I don't like the sound of that.

"Why?"

"Because by then, you won't be able to deny them any longer. You will be his completely."