The Rogues Who Went Rogue
Chapter 66

"I'd like to know more about your father, Pelly. What was the late Emperor Kosh like?" Lucianne asked after she and Pellethia sat down on a wooden bench facing a large pond with a few papilionibus (singular: papilio) - small, blue-colored animals that each had the body of a bee and the wings of spring azure butterflies.

"Father was...strict and protective, like most fathers, I suppose. We lost mom when I was three and my governess brought me up after that. Father was often busy with royal duties," her emerald eyes met Lucianne's orbs.

She continued, "He really liked you, Rosalie I mean, not as an intimate partner, but as a friend or, in his words, a trusted ally. He used to say that Rosalie was someone one could turn to for the cold, hard truth. She was the one who...made him realize that he should be spending more time with me, because I'm his daughter. She was probably the only creature who dared spelled out how irresponsible he was being as a parent to intentionally bring me into the world and then leave my upbringing in the hands of servants when he could block out time to be with me like how he blocked out time in his day to spend at his desk and with his ministers. Our family dynamic changed a lot after that."

Pellethia smiled as she watched the papilionibus fly from one water lily to the next. "I was probably the first heir to enter a meeting chamber at the age of six and a half. He never forced me to go in, and made it clear that if I ever got bored, I could always find something else to do with that time rather than listen. I never knew what was going on in the meeting chamber in the first few months. I was just glad that my father finally...saw me, and I got to sit beside him for more than twenty minutes a day. When I started picking up on the meeting agenda, I brough colored pencils and paper to take notes, but the adults always spoke too fast for me to get everything...or I was too slow in jotting down everything."

Lucianne chuckled at her candid admission.

"The thing about father is that he never fails to put on a brave face, a confident front. When he tucked me into bed every night, he always reminded me to fight the nightmares if I ever get any. 'Start by putting on a brave face,' he'd say, 'then whoever or whatever the nightmare is would get confused. That confusion would make you braver, and that's when you'd win.' I still practice that to this day. But I learned that it doesn't work on nightmares when it comes to loss of loved ones. Still, it was the most useful thing he taught me. The royal duties always came second to that. After Aunt Rosie...left, he was probably the only adult who truly believed that I could lead the empire."

Lucianne thought about that and recalled all the times Pellethia had been brutal to her own governing members, like how she stripped Maddock's title after a failed tracking expedition and suspended Vienna the previous night for one unhelpful remark. Lucianne then carefully asked, "Is that why you're... strict with your ministers and vigils?"

"Partly," she murmured.

Her brows furrowed like she was recalling something painful as she spoke in a despaired whisper, "You have no idea what it was like to step into the meeting chamber the first time as empress, how invisible and incompetent I felt when the whole room didn't acknowledge my presence even when I cleared my throat to get their attention. My father never needed his presence announced. For some reason, I've always had to prove myself worthy to sit where he sat. I tried being respectful, tolerant, approachable, but that made things worse. Many were beginning to step on me, cutting me off as I spoke. Rafael, Amber and Octavia weren't in the governing body at that time, so there wasn't anyone I could turn to for help. I felt so ignored, so...lost.”

Her face was still hard as she continued, "As I thought about the situation I was in, I began asking what Aunt Rosie would do if she were me. I didn't know. Then, I started taking out anything that she gifted me during her visits, just trying to find...something to help me get through. And I found what I was looking for - a notebook."

She took a breath and continued, "What she wrote on the back of the cover was something that I've read over and over again just to draw an ounce of strength to make it through the next day, or even the next hour. She wrote, and I quote, 'when you've grown into a woman, you'd most likely find that everyone around you expects you to listen and obey without question. Few people expect you to have the brains to analyze and the bravery to speak up. Do the unexpected and leave your mark. Every woman has the innate ability to inspire hope, instill fear and demand respect with nothing more than a few irrefutable words and the right amount of ferocity in her eyes. Harness that power, Pelly, but wield it wisely. With love, Aunt Rosie."

A soft smile graced Pellethia's features. "I never understood the depth of those words at a young age but after ascending the throne, every single word made so much sense. I tried to be a beacon of hope but the ministers looked like they were trying not to laugh at me. I tried being respectful, and they started getting comfortable with telling me what to do without even listening to what I wanted to say. So, I used fear. And things went upward after that. For me, at least. I dismissed anyone who countered my arguments with no hard evidence or plausible facts, and their immediate and unexpected dismissal jolted a lot of the other ministers. They began being more careful about what they say to me, how they behave around me."

Her brows furrowed as she rubbed the back of her hand. "I never wanted to do this, to be...cold, brutal, unnecessarily demanding as a ruler, but when I'm not these things, the old-timers just never give me the respect and commitment that they'd give my father. I would've long let them go had they not been so careful that I have no valid reason to dismiss them. Being obnoxious is, unfortunately, a highly subjective trait that is not a valid reason for dismissal."

"There aren't many old-timers left though," Lucianne mentioned as she recalled the ones she'd seen.

"True. There are only six left. Thank Lord. The new ones...most of them are alright. But being a little too friendly to them would make the old ones relax and slip back into their obnoxious mode. I tried. So, now, I'm like this."

Lucianne listened to every word, and couldn't help but hear the hopelessness in Pellethia's voice and feel her doubt when she showed her vulnerable side. Then, something clicked in the queen's head. It made sense now.

What if the sole reason that Pellethia could never channel her Authority was because she didn't believe that she could, not just because the only other empress in the past didn't wield the power, but also because the condescending words and actions of the previous generation of ministers implied that Pellethia could never be on par with past emperors, let alone wield the Authority?

Lucianne herself had had condescending remarks thrown at her but she also had supportive ones showered over her, and she trained herself to pay more attention to the latter and try to flush out the former. Her self-belief wasn't bulletproof, but it was strong enough to emit the Authority.

Even so, Lucianne didn't unleash her full power until Xandar made her aware that she was bestowed that gift. In essence, one had to have a reasonable amount of self-belief and the awareness of that gift before being able to utilize the gift to its maximum potential. Lucianne contemplated on how best to tell Pellethia what she was thinking without sounding too harsh. After giving her words some thought, she asked, "Pelly, when you're on the throne...how do you feel?”

After letting out a depressing scoff, she replied, "Terrified. Every single day. The last thing I want is for this empire to crumble on my watch."