The Ivory Queen
Chapter 64

*Warning: Discussion of Self-Harm*

***Aurora’s POV***

Dinner is waiting for us in our room when we return to River Moon. Rio greets me happily, not caring about the changes. He showers me with k****s and jumps around playfully. I’ve missed my baby so much. As with every wolf I’ve encountered since the shift, I am greeted by bows left and right. Even Rosalie bows before me. She, of course, asks a million questions about my appearance and the sudden trip and I quickly explain the situation to her.

“A queen! A f*****g queen! I can’t believe this! You b***h! I can’t believe you kept this from me!” She squeals her excitement. “I mean you were amazing before, but now, holy crap.” She bows before me again for emphasis. “Ugh, I’m sorry you got stuck with a mate as lame as Oliver,” she teases and Oliver looks anything but amused at her comment.

I lean into him, taking his arms and wrapping them around me. “I wouldn’t want anyone else. He’s perfect for me.”

Rosalie starts to giggle and teases Oliver mercilessly. “Aw you made him blush!”

I snap my head around and see that Oliver is indeed a bright shade of red.

“Get out of my room, you brat! You’re annoying,” Oliver growls, sending Rosalie into another fit of laughter as she walks out of our room.

I smile with amusement as Oliver mumbles his annoyance and goes off to the bathroom to get ready for bed. I join him, brushing my teeth alongside him and washing my face. In the closet, he changes in front of me shamelessly and I secretly admire his body. Reyna’s little urges are getting stronger.

I’m not the only one who wants him, Reyna teases.

Shut up, you horny wolf!

Oliver doesn’t seem to mind that I’m staring. In fact he seems to enjoy it.

“Did you get a good look?” he asks with a smirk. He leans against the dresser and waits for me to make a move. “Don’t be shy,” he teases. “I belong to you. You have every right to look and admire,” he chuckles.

My cheeks heat up and I gulp as my heart starts to race uncontrollably. I timidly finish getting dressed and walk back to the bed where I bury myself under the covers. I feel the bed dip and his intoxicating scent puts me at ease. His hands find my waist and he pulls me into him. He buries his face in the crook of my neck, inhaling my scent. Oliver’s lips brush up against my skin, leaving light k****s between my jaw and collar bone. He makes his way to my lips and delivers a feather like k**s.

I trace my fingers along his jawline as he stares back at me. The way he’s looking at me makes me feel both safe and vulnerable. There is no judgement, no pity, not anger. All I see is love and understanding. He is my home. Moon Goddess’s words fill my head and remember my final task has yet to be completed.

“Oliver?” I ask, my voice trembling. “I think I’m ready to tell you something.”

“What is it?” He asks, propping himself up on his elbow. There’s a hint of worry in his eyes and I caress his cheek to ease his mind.

“I need you to promise you won’t get mad…. You just need to listen,” I warn.

“Okay, you’re starting to scare me. What is it?”

“Promise me,” I urge, lifting my pinky finger out for him. He eyes me with suspicion but ultimately agrees and locks out pinkies together.

“I promise,” he says.

I take a deep breath to calm my racing heart and sit up in bed. After a long silence, I look at my wrists and hold them out for him. While I no longer have the scars, the memory of the pain I felt will forever be ingrained in my brain. Picking up where I’m going with this conversation, Oliver sits up and offers me a spot on his lap. I crawl between his legs and sit with my back against his chest. He holds my now flawless, tattooed wrists between his fingers and waits for me to begin.

“I-I was 16 when I first started. My pain had reached its peak,” I pause, grimacing at the cruelty of it all. “I felt worthless and I hated myself. I was trapped in this never ending nightmare and I-I needed control. I needed to feel something other than guilt and misery.”

Oliver’s heart beats furiously against his rib cage and I give him a minute to cool down..

“It was scary at first and my hand shook a lot before I finally just let go of my fear and cut. I felt the sting instantly and then……I don’t know. I-I felt relief. Almost good, even. I did it again and it just….it made me feel something other than guilty…..s-so I kept doing it.”

“It was scary at first and my hand shook a lot before I finally just let go of my fear and cut. I felt the sting instantly and then……I don’t know. I-I felt relief. Almost good, even. I did it again and it just….it made me feel something other than guilty…..s-so I kept doing it.”

Oliver is silent, weighing the pain in every word I said.

“I cut w-whenever Karina blamed me, whenever Mia ignored me, whenever Chava screamed that he hated me. I cut and it felt so good to have control over the pain I inflicted on myself. It was the only control I had in my life. Karina would beat me and I just… couldn’t wait to rush to the bathroom and hurt myself. It wasn’t long before I became addicted to the feeling.”

My shame becomes overwhelming and a few tears escape my eyes. I take a moment to collect myself while Oliver rests his chin on my shoulders and wraps his arms around my torso to comfort me.

My voice begins to tremble as I continue. “But like with any addiction, I-I got carried away.” I take a huge deep breath as more tears flood my eyes. “I could say it was an accident,” I laugh dryly. “I could say I didn’t mean to cut that deep but that would be a lie. I wouldn’t have minded never waking up again.”

I feel something wet on my shoulder and turn around to see Oliver crying. My heart shatters and I let my own tears fall.

“I’m so sorry,” he whimpers. “I’m so, so sorry you were in so much pain. If I could take it all away….”

“You don’t need to be sorry,” I say reassuringly. “It was my own weakness that drove me to do this to myself-“

“You are not weak!” He snaps, his eyes flickering between silver and blue. The blue finally settles in his eyes and his face softens. “You are not weak. You did what you needed to cope and you found the strength to stop doing it. That’s not weak. That’s brave.”

Guilt washes over me and I shake my head. “Wait here,” I say getting out of bed and walking to the bathroom. When I return, I place the scalpel wrapped in the cloth into his lap. He stares blankly at it.

“Please say something,” I plead.

He wraps the scalpel back up silently and sets it in front of him. “Have you…… have you…ha…” His eyes well up with tears again.

I lower my head, ashamed to meet his eyes. “No, but it’s crossed my mind a few times…”

“When was the last time… you felt the urge?”

“Do you really need to know?” I ask, knowing my answer will shatter him.

His jaw clenches and he nods his head. “I need you to be honest….even if it hurts me. I need to know what you’re feeling… If you’re okay.”

I take a deep breath and exhale slowly. “I almost did it when Laura and her friends hurt me. And I thought about it … the night you came home drunk…” Oliver’s eyes fill with pain and I talk faster. “I-I didn’t take it out or even look at it. I just thought about it!”

A single tear falls down Oliver’s cheek and he gets up. He’s silent, digesting every word for what seems like an eternity. His eyes shift to silver as Michael takes over. He’s breathing accelerates and he’s clearly angry with Oliver. “I’m sorry, Princess, he won’t hurt you again,” he pants, walking quickly towards the door. “I won’t let him.”

“Michael, wait!” I call out, but it’s no use. Michael bolts out the room and I run after him through the house and out the front door. He jump shifts and runs down the road. Knowing where he is going, I run back inside to grab the scalpel. I walk back out towards the fountain and sit on the edge.

I hurt him. Why did I have to tell him and ruin everything between us?

You didn’t ruin anything. You were being honest. It would have hurt him more if he found the scalpel on his own. He deserved to know.

Tears well up in my eyes and I chuck the scalpel into the fountain, watching it sink to the bottom. I wrap my arms around myself and wait to give Oliver some space before I make my way to the fort.

It feels like a truck just slammed into me at full speed when I hear her words. She tries to make me feel better by saying it was just a thought and not something she would actually act on but my mind is stuck.

…The night you came home drunk…

You f*****g hurt her! Michael snarls. Always worried about me and here you are being the perfect a*s!

I don’t have the right to fight him. He’s right. He wants control and I give it to him. He won’t hurt her like me. He’ll treat her right.

I’m taking charge. I need to fix what you broke.

OK, I give in to him

“I’m sorry, Princess, he won’t hurt you again,” Michael pants, walking quickly towards the door. “I won’t let him.”

I run out of the house and sprint into the woods at top speed until my lungs burn. Tears flow from my eyes as I replay the conversation over and over again in my head.

She deserves a better mate, someone who won’t make her want to hurt herself. Someone who is more patient and understanding. Someone better…

She is our mate! Michael growls at me. We are right for her! So shut up! It’s the doubt that screws you over. Don’t doubt that she belongs to us.

I stop running when I reach the fort. Michael lets out a howl into the night laced with my pain. Painful thoughts of Aurora taking the scalpel and hurting herself fill my mind. I lay down at the base of the tree house and let the pain flow out me for what seems like hours.

The scent of cinnamon and rose fills my nostrils and I jump to my feet. I turn to see Aurora’s white wolf sitting on the edge of the clearing staring at me and I freeze. She gets up and walks toward me, grace and elegance in her every stride. The power that radiates off of her is amazing and I can’t help but bow before her. Her beautiful sad eyes meet mine and I shift my gaze to the ground in shame. I can’t look at her knowing I put her in that situation.

Her wolf whines, begging me look back up at her. She steps forward and licks my face before rubbing noses with me. The contact relaxes me bit and I lick her back. Aurora walks to the edge of the clearing and turns back to look at me, asking me to follow her. She leads me into the woods and after a bit of walking we come across an incredible garden.

A path lined with hedges and flower arches cuts through the middle of the garden while different flowers fill the majority of the space. To the north sits a large patch of grass and a wooden bench. I’ve lived on River Moon my entire life and not once have I come across this garden.

Did Aurora make this?

Aurora is incredible, Michael says proudly. Our mate is incredible.

Aurora shifts back to her human form and my heart skips a beat. My goddess, she’s beautiful. She blushes under my gaze and fidgets with her fingers. I shift and she blushes harder. I cover myself with my hands and take a few nervous steps away from her.

“I created this place … the same night you came home drunk,” she says quietly. “The same night I had those dark thoughts.” A few tears roll down her cheeks and she quickly wipes them away. “Oliver, I kept that scalpel because I didn’t think I deserved to be happy. I didn’t think I was worth the trouble. I thought no one would miss me if I was gone. That my life didn’t matter.”

I run up to her and pull her into my arms. “You do matter,” I cry. “You deserve the world… And you deserve someone who doesn’t constantly traumatize you.”

“Oliver listen to me!” She snaps. “I told you about the scalpel because I know what I want now. I want to let you in. No more secrets. I want to live…. and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I’ve spent a lot of time in pain and it won’t go away overnight. There will be days when I’ll hate everything and just want to cry or not speak. I have a lot of things to work out but I know you’ll help me get through it. I’m going to be okay… because I have you in my life.” She presses her lips against mine and I respond to her k**s. When she pulls back, her amazing gold orbs stare back at me with confidence. “You brighten up my day. You make me laugh, you make me feel safe. You make me feel loved… You have become my entire world, Olivier.”

Her words are music to my ears. We’re going to be okay. I’m going to make sure of it.