The Great Unpacking Of Love
Part 2

Among the many expressions of sympathy that I receive, I think that I will forever keep in my memory, the visit to my sterile room of a colleague himself suffering from cancer, whose sparkling and smiling eyes I only saw. . He had noticed that I was letting myself go and said to me: “Josephine, you can’t give up, there are too many people waiting for you outside, starting with your children. You have to find the strength to continue, you can’t give up.” This sentence had the effect of an electric shock and little by little, I got back on track. If this sentence had such an impact on me, it is because of its truth and sincerity. Coming from another patient who had experienced with horror the reality and indescribable suffering of the disease, I knew he was speaking the truth. Today, my colleague is dancing with the angels…

Speaking of dancing with the angels, one evening when I was particularly anxious, desperate and feeling myself tumbling down the steps of my existence one by one, a man came into my room. A huge man, dressed in a long cassock à la Don Camillo. My b***d boils, I panic and I think: “This priest is coming to give me extreme anointing! “. Looking back, I still laugh about it. However, my reaction clearly shows in what state of mind, of fragility, we sick people are in the face of this tile which falls on our heads.

I also remember the Wépion strawberries brought to the hospital by a friend. I hardly ate anything anymore, everything disgusted me and these b***d-red, juicy strawberries with a divine taste came to tickle my taste buds. Finally something good, finally a little fun! They tasted like Proust’s Madeleine.

We must also not forget my ghost neighbor behind the partition that separates us. He seems to particularly like chamber music. I hear him playing the violin. Pleasant and soothing for the soul and body. My music lover seems to be a virtuoso… One evening, I heard the melody of “Let it be” by the Scarabées, on guitar chords, in the deathly impersonal corridor of oncology. A mini concert just for me. I will be the only one to dare to leave my room to encounter a suspended moment in the Universe of illness.

But be careful, Cancer is endowed with extraordinary intelligence, it has high potential. It is insidious and slips everywhere, especially where you don’t expect it, like the Basilisk from Harry Potter. He is not satisfied only with the sick, his appetite is fierce. Single-handedly, he will create a real cataclysm, a family Hiroshima. My entire immediate family will be affected by my illness. Their pain is perceptible even if everyone clumsily tries to hide it from me.

Having a certain capacity for amnesia for bad moments, I completely ignored the announcement of the diagnosis by the medical team. On the other hand, I keep indelible memory the moment I left the emergency room to go to what would become my raft of misfortune. At the entrance to the corridor, I see a plaque where it says: “Oncology”. I turn to my other half with a puzzled look: “Oncology is cancer, right? ” No answer. “Yes, yes, I’m sure, I got it right. I must have cancer. » I panic, I am afraid and I am angry. Nobody tells me anything! Why me ? I don’t smoke, I don’t drink, I eat organic, I play sports. For what ?

My other half is as mute as a carp, she doesn’t yet know that she is going to become my three-quarters, or even my unit. The battle begins and risks being long, indefinitely long.

Please note, the center is endowed with extraordinary intelligence, it is a potential success. It is insidious and slips everywhere, especially where you don’t expect it, like Herry Potter’s Besilic. He is not content with anything other than melede, his appetite is fierce. On his own, he created a true ceteclysm, a female Hiroshime. All my close family will be performed by me meledie. Their pain is perceptible even if everyone cleverly tries to hide it from me.

They have a certain capacity for emnesia of different moments, I completely concealed the announcement of the diagnosis by the medical team. On the other hand, I keep in indelible memory the moment when I left the emergency room to go to what would become my return from misfortune. At the entrance to the corridor, I see a plaque on which it is written: “Oncology”. I turn to my partner with a taken aback: “Oncology is the center, right? » Pes response. “Yes, yes, I’m sure, I accepted. I must have a center. » I panic, I’m afraid and I’m angry. Nobody tells me anything! Why me ? I don’t smoke, I don’t drink, I eat organic, I play sports. For what ?

My other half is as mute as a bird, she doesn’t yet know that she will become my three querts, even my unit. The beast begins and risks being long, indefinitely long.

On the other hand, I will never be able to erase from my memory the announcement of the diagnosis to my two children. I see images of a B-movie that should have been banned for children under 9 and 12 years old. I know all the sequences, all the shots and all the actors. The hematologist, the psychologist, my children, my unlucky companion and me. My son asks a lot of questions, he wants to know everything about my illness. This seems to reassure him. But he is not fooled, he understands that cancer and the Grim Reaper are often in cahoots. My daughter cries and walled herself in silence. At that moment, she doesn’t yet realize that I’m flirting with death.

For two years, the hospital became my second family. My life is in the hands of the doctors, I can only trust them and I let myself be guided like a dog following its master. Heavy chemo treatments follow one another. I’m going through decor hell. My hair is starting to fall out. On the advice of a nurse, I decided to shave them. My sister is with me through this ordeal. Thanks to a colorful hairdresser, a little whimsical, a psychologist on occasion, I transformed into Zinedine Zidane without too much trouble. Oddly, it doesn’t affect me too much. I tell myself it will grow back. The important thing for me is to save my skin! Too many people are waiting for me outside. I don’t want to leave the blue planet at 44! Life can still have nice surprises in store for me. It’s not possible, my story can’t end there, overnight, I don’t want that! But cancer is a real despot, a terrible dictator, he decides alone and doesn’t care about my desires. We are far from Democracy! Walk or die, Joséphine!