Spiral (Off the Ice Book 2)
Spiral: Chapter 44

IT’S OPENING NIGHT, and my three favorite guys are seated in the third row, right in the center like I told them to. My uncle, Sean, and Elias are flipping through the program and talking happily with each other. I do a double take when my former instructor, Madame Laurent, holds my uncle’s hand in hers as he brushes his lips along her knuckles. A strange thumping fills my heart, unlike the usual nerves. Just as I’m going to slip backstage, Elias waves to someone behind him, and I freeze.

His friends—our friends—Aiden, Summer, Dylan, and Kian shuffle into the row to take their seats. The family in the seats behind them watch with wide eyes as if just now recognizing the giant hockey players. Then, Jane and Ian Westbrook descend the steps of the theater to their seats. My eyes sting so badly, but with the powder on my face, I can’t ruin it with tears.

Our orchestra plays Tchaikovsky’s “Introduction.” As I’m watching act one from the side stage, I run through the choreography for act two in my head.

“Sage.” The stage manager taps my shoulder. “White Swan entrance in thirty.”

As I make my way back to my private dressing room to check for any final adjustments, I notice Adam’s door cracked open along the noisy hallway. Voices emanate from behind it, and when I approach, I realize he and Ashley are arguing.

“I asked you to do one thing for me! What are you so afraid of?” she says.

Adam exhales loudly. “I can’t do it, Ash. It’s unethical.”

“It’s unethical how I’ve been working my ass off to get here yet I’m forced to watch from the sidelines! If you can’t do this for me, Adam, we are done.”

Then the door swings open, and I’m frozen in place. Ashley stands before me, dressed in the White Swan costume identical to mine, as my alternate. Not happening.

“Sage?” Adam says, rushing to the door. “W-what are you doing here?”

I look away from a fuming Ashley. “I was hoping we could talk.” Adam shrinks under Ashley’s glare before she storms out and Adam ushers me inside.

“Sorry about that.” He sits in his makeup chair to fix his hair in the mirror. “So, what’s up?”

This is the most attention he’s given me since we met. I’m immediately suspicious.

“I know we’ve been struggling with that lift. But we did it right for weeks, and something’s been off since the past few days. I think our focus is shot, and that’s what throws us off. But if we focus on each other, we can do it. I know it.”

He eyes me through the mirror, and the smallest flicker of pity flashes through his eyes. “Yeah. You’re right, I’ll do that. Bring back my focus and all.”

That doesn’t sound convincing, but I nod. “By the way, I understand that being an alternate is challenging, so whatever Ashley’s feeling is valid. But don’t let that change how you perform your principal role.”

I stride out to my dressing room to prepare for the next act. It’s when I’m going to head out that I notice the flowers on my vanity—peonies, in pink and white hues. A white square of cardstock protrudes from the bouquet, catching my attention. I pull it out to read what’s written on it.

Keep the black swan outfit. I want to watch you take it off tonight. —Elias

I’m laughing, trying not to let the tears stain my cheeks. I think I found my favorite flowers. When I’m using a tissue to pat my eyes, I hear the announcement for act two.

“Time to shine, Sage.” The stage manager signals for me to head to the side stage. I spot Adam and Ashley on the opposite side, arguing again. Then Adam exhales and nods, kissing her gently. I don’t let that distract me, and fall away from my body to let the white swan take over.

Immediately, I move to center stage, where it’s our first lift, and Adam executes a wobbly hold, and it sends a pang of panic to my chest. The spotlight beams right at us and I keep my composure, letting my eyes stray only for a minute to find my family in the center row.

Then he lets me to my feet not at all gently, and I lose my balance. It’s an obvious misstep but I recover quickly. When he spins me in his hold, I glare at him.

“What are you doing?” I whisper through a tight smile.

His eyes betray a shadow of uncertainty that sends a shiver down my spine. Our movements through the remaining sequences falter, disjointed and out of sync. As the curtains draw closed once more, a simmering rage boils beneath the surface of my skin.

“Looks like you’re all out of that beginner’s luck,” Ashley quips, moving past me to join Adam, a sinister smile dancing on her lips.

“What was that?” Zimmerman yells, staring at Adam and me.

An eerie silence replaces the chaos backstage.

Ashley comes by his side. “Aubrey, if you need me to step in—”

“Enough,” he interrupts sharply, lifting his hand as he pivots toward us. “You’ve ruined the first lift. We have an entire routine left to execute. What in the world is happening?”

“I’m trying, but she’s off-balance,” Adam interjects.

I glare at him.

Zimmerman jabs a finger in Adam’s direction. “Take responsibility for your weak hold. Fix it, or I’ll fix it for you.” Then he turns to me. “You’re in your head. I saw what you can do at the audition. Give me the version we came here for. Give me that, Sage.”

I nod. “I can do it.”

“Good. Because you have no other choice.”

Zimmerman storms off, and a breath I can’t seem to release catches under my rib cage.

“Adam is fucking with you,” Jason says, coming to my side. He’s dressed in all black to represent the evil sorcerer, Rothbart. Our routine is next, and I know at least with him it’ll be a good performance. “Zimmerman needs to put in Adam’s alternate.”

I can’t speak. I squeeze Jason’s shoulder and head to my dressing room to change into the Black Swan costume for act three. The makeup artist is quick. She sprays my hair, adds the black crown and dramatic black eyeliner. When she’s gone, I can finally pace the room like a lunatic. I’m doing breathing exercises and imagery, but none of it calms me. Tears threaten to spill from my eyes just as a knock sounds at my door.

“One second!” I shout, quickly dabbing my eyes with a tissue.

“Sage.”

The voice almost breaks me. I open the door and slide my arms into Elias’s strong hold. He doesn’t hesitate to hug me, and we stay like that for a beat.

“Did I suck that bad that you had to come check on me?”

He pulls back. “You took my breath away. But I came here because I think you were right. Adam’s messing up a simple lift. I’ve done it with you, and I know it’s not supposed to look like that.”

I blink to keep the tears from falling. “I don’t know what to do. I can’t perform like I’m supposed to. Like I’ve been training to.”

“No one can dim your light.” He says it with so much intensity I have no choice but to believe him. “Tell me what you need me to do, and I’ll do it.”

I pull him close, and he pours his warmth into the touch. “This is enough.”

I know Elias would do anything for me, but this time I have to do it for myself.

The announcement for the second act in ten sounds around us.

“You’re okay?” Elias asks.

I nod. “Thanks for the flowers.”

“You decide on your favorite ones yet?”

“Yeah, but I kind of like letting you guess.”

He smiles into the kiss he plants on my lips, and when he pulls away, I drag him to my mouth again. The simple connection eases the cord of panic that chokes my heart. “Finally got that good luck kiss, huh?”

“I think I’m going to need another,” I say. “You know, to make up for the one you didn’t give me.”

With this kiss, he lets me take. Allows me to pour all the emotions flooding my mind into him to take his calmness instead. With a warm swipe of his tongue against mine I feel a contentment swim through me.

Elias lifts my chin. “You think you’ll be okay?”

Opening night hasn’t been anything like I’ve dreamed, but I know I wouldn’t trade it for anything. “Yeah, I just need to let go.”

He smirks mischievously. “I can help with that.”

“Get out of here!” I push him. “You’re going to miss the big finish.”

“I can stay another thirty seconds and see it right here.” He taps his thigh.

“Shut up, Elias.” I’m laughing as I walk him out of my dressing room, and he shoots me a bright smile before heading down the hall. My smile drops when I look at Adam’s door, which reads Prince Siegfried.

I take a deep breath. I’m going to figure this out. I won’t be complacent this time.

Rap, rap, rap.

As Adam opens the door and catches sight of me, he begins to close it again. But before he can shut it completely, I swiftly insert my pointe shoe between the gap.

“I don’t know what your deal is,” I start. “But if this is your way to sabotage me, it won’t work. Even if I break my damn leg out there, I’ll still perform. You can’t take this away from me, Adam. So, figure out whatever you’re doing, or I’m going to request that Zimmerman have your alternate perform the last act with me.”

As I turn to leave, he halts my movement with a firm grip on my wrist. I instinctively pull away.

He sighs. “I fucked up. There’s just so much pressure from my parents, from Ashley’s parents, from the entire fucking company. I don’t know who to please anymore.”

He runs a frustrated hand through his hair, and that’s the first time I notice the bags under his eyes. They’re dark and creased, like he hasn’t slept in a while. His tired face pulls at a sympathetic string in my chest.

“Black swan in five,” the stage manager says as she walks past us.

As if I’m embodying Odile herself, I let go of the need to tell Adam it’s okay and what he did wasn’t his fault. But those words never make it out.

“Look, we’re on the third act, and if you can’t figure it out by the end of it, that’s not my problem. But it’s time to choose who you’re doing this for, and whether they’re worth it.”

“Sage—”

“It’s your choice, Adam,” I say, cutting him off. I head onstage for act three. My and Jason’s scene goes perfectly. He reads my every move and pulls a darkness from me that sinks me into character. Adam has a small role where he watches us perform. When the curtains draw again, the crowd roars with applause.

“Now, that’s what I want to see,” says Zimmerman. “Nice job.”

The praise has Jason and me squealing all the way to my dressing room. I quickly change from the Black Swan and back into the White Swan. When my makeup artist heads out, I hear yelling from Adam’s room across the hall.

As I cautiously peek out from my door, his swings open forcefully, revealing Adam standing there with the door held wide. Ashley stands behind him, her chest heaving with visible rage.

“We’re done,” he declares, his voice firm and resolute.

The intercom interrupts their heated stare down. “Five to last act. All dancers …”

“I’m tired of this. Tired of you,” Adam persists, his frustration palpable. “Get out.”

“But, babe—” Ashley attempts.

“Enough, Ashley!” Adam cuts her off sharply. “Leave, or I’ll tell everyone the truth—that you wanted me to sabotage Sage, just so you could have her role.”

My heart thumps slowly, the weight of Adam’s revelation sinking in. I had suspected as much, but hearing it confirmed ignites an angry heat in my face. There’s a satisfaction rumbling through me when Ashley shrieks and storms off down the hall.

A sudden flurry of black rushes past me, heading straight for Adam. It’s Jason, still dressed as Rothbart, charging forward with determination. Adam staggers backward, caught off guard, and is pushed into his dressing room by the force of Jason’s advance.

“You asshole!”

“Jason,” I call, rushing inside to pull him away from Adam. “It’s not worth it.”

Jason’s eyes flare with red-hot anger. “He’s disgusting. Did you hear that?”

Adam sobs, his voice thick with remorse. “I’m so sorry, Sage. It was making me sick. I never should have agreed to do it. Please believe me.”

The tension is exacerbated by another announcement. “Two minutes to curtain up.”

I hear a distant angry voice boom through the halls. “Where are my leads?” Zimmerman’s voice carries a threat that has me stumbling out of the room.

“We have to tell Zimmerman,” Jason urges.

I shake my head. “We have to perform.”

“Sage.”

“No, Jason,” I assert firmly. “Everyone’s worked way too hard to get here, and I won’t let him disrupt this production.”

Elias was right; no one can dim my light, and I’ll be damned if I let Adam make it flicker. With that thought echoing in my mind, I stride purposefully toward where Zimmerman paces the wood floors. Relief washes over him when he spots me, and he gestures to stage left. “Go, go, go!”

And I’m off.

Emotion takes over my body, and I float with the music. Adam dances like perfection embodied. There’s not even a hint of the disarray I saw in his dressing room on his face. He pours the emotion of his performance into mine, like he’s letting go and somehow doing the same for me. I can’t help the smile that shines through when he completes a perfect lift. Not a single tremor in his hands as he executes it with elegance.

In Zimmerman’s version of Swan Lake, the lovers don’t meet their demise in the last act. Prince Siegfried frees Odette from the curse of the evil sorcerer, and she sheds the darkness of Odile to become her true self.

With each sweeping lift, I feel a sense of freedom wash over me. The panic from earlier dissipates, replaced by a serene confidence. The orchestra descends into the finale, and we complete our pas de deux. The spotlight shines down on me, highlighting our final move, and for a moment, time seems to stand still.

Like drops of water, contentment falls on my skin and cascades from my head all the way down to my toes. It’s like a wash of victory that settles deep in the crevices of my mind that constantly tell me I’m not good enough. It feels like proof. Like a lawyer who just won a decades-long court case, or a person lost at sea finally being rescued. Those emotions curl like a ribbon around my mind and my heart, and I can practically see the years of hard work emanate from my body.

I’ve waited my whole life for someone to tell me I’m worth it. Worth choosing, worth staying, worth loving. To tell me my dreams are attainable, and I wouldn’t be another fallen star with no way back. Elias has said that every step of the way, but it never truly clicked until this moment. Until I decided that I’m worth it.

The music stops and we remain frozen in place. The crowd erupts with applause, their cheers echoing through the theater. When the roses fall at my feet, a single pink peony lands at center stage. Its delicate petals seem to glow amid the sea of bloodred flowers.

Although I can’t see him, my smile grows wider. Because I know then that no matter how far we might be, there will always be a piece of my heart that Elias Westbrook is holding on to.

Note to self: When one door closes, smash the window.