Maid for the Mafia
She Is Still Here

**ROMANY**

Before the jet begins its descent, I see we are close to the beach. There are more skyscrapers out here than there are in downtown Blake and although I've never seen it, I suddenly know where we are. "You live in Eastside," I said conversationally, without taking my eyes away from the window.

"Right. The Borderlands to be exact," Mickey answered.

Something about his voice sounded different and I ripped my eyes away from the view outside to gaze in his direction. He was turned away, a contemplative hand posed just beneath his chin as his thumb traced back and forth over his jawline. My eyes fixated on it, the drag of his thumb over the expertly shaved flesh beneath it. His dark eyebrows were furrowed, his plump lips pursed in displeasure as he stared through the glass with stormy green eyes. It was a look I hadn't seen on him before. One that spoke of his truer nature and for a moment I wondered what he was like when he was truly angry, or raging, or worse. As unhealthy as it might sound, I suddenly wanted to push him there, just to know. I wanted to see him in every light, not just the one he works overtime to show to me. His frustration with my unwillingness to accept what I'm sure he *believes* is the truth, should not be the pebble in his shoe. It is *my* problem, not his. As he's made painfully clear already.

We hadn't spoken since I declined his little invitation to take me to the Maldives. *Well, what did he expect? I've just learned that my cousin was set up and may or may not be dead, and he's talking about vacations and foreign fucking beaches.* I can't possibly be *that* important to him anyway. He'll get over it and if he doesn't... then maybe he'll do something about it. Something... like go and find my cousin. Or look for her body that he thinks is out there, that *I know* is not.

I wince, thinking about how manipulative I've been acting lately. Especially when it comes to this new group of men in my life. *I've never been that kind of person before. Not ever.* Thanks to Matthew, I*know* how horrible it feels to have your emotions jerked around. To be *managed* by someone whose one true desire is to control you through your attachment to them.

It's not pretty and it's not fair and I might just owe him an apology. *He was only trying to save me future heartache by telling me what he thinks is a hard truth.* Unfortunately for the pair of us, he doesn't have the same connection that I have with Ruby. He doesn't share the same bond with her that I do. It's a kind of kinship that fuses souls together from birth so that when one of you is gone, the other knows it. It is a true and very real thing, despite that some may not believe. It is my opinion that *those* people, the ones who can't fathom such things, have never felt truly connected to anyone. I don't know, maybe it's because they're cold and unfeeling, or maybe it's because they were raised without love... there are a ton of reasons I can think of to explain why certain people do not believe in spiritual ties. But whether they do or not has never been a concern of mine because I never had the need to prove that it exists. Even if I had, I wouldn't have even known where to start.

But it is real... I know it is. For one thing, I have felt such the loss of it once before. On the day that my mother died.

It was right after I started at the University and I won't forget the feeling for as long as I live. I was in the middle of a presentation for my Interpersonal Communications class when I was suddenly overcome with a brain crushing headache and nearly passed out. My professor (an actual one, not a predator one) forced me out of the classroom and onto a bench just outside of the wing, gifting me with fresh air. She sat there with me while I panted for breath and helped to massage my head where it hurt. I was nearly in tears as the pain seemed to stretch over my entire body with an aching heaviness that seemed to consume me. But then, just as suddenly, the pain disappeared and I was left feeling raw and unstable. Although I was flooded with relief that the suffering was over and my professor was over the moon with joy to not have a student keel over dead right in front of her, something else began to happen. An intense sadness began to creep into my heart and without knowing exactly why, I excused myself to call my mother. It wasn't the way that some might think. I didn't instant;y know she was gone. I just knew that she was the first person I should call. So, I did. When an ER nurse who introduced herself to me as Amanda Sunshine - and yes, that was her *real* name - answered my mother's phone, my heart began thumping so strongly that I thought I could hear its echo. The first thing Miss Sunshine asked me was if I was related to the woman that owned the phone she was on. Of course, I said yes, but that was the last intelligible word I was able to utter before one of the stars in my sky went out like the flame on a candle. It was right then, *right* when I answered Amanda that I reached out with my heart to feel for my mother and knew without even a shadow of a doubt that she was gone.

How did I know? I couldn't feel her anymore. And when I pictured her face... I just knew. I knew...

It turned out that my mom had gone to the corner market. She needed some Vodka for my uncle - Vodka that he could *never* seem to get it himself, the bastard - and when she turned out of the liquor store parking lot, a group of teenagers in a black SUV ran a red light and blasted into the side of her Nissan. According to the doctor on duty that day, she was hit so hard and at such a precise angle, that her petite little body slipped out of her seatbelt, shot through the *driver's* side window, and into the concrete walls of the freeway overpass. The doctor said she went headfirst and crushed the top of her skull before falling to the ground dead. But I knew that wasn't entirely true, because I felt her. I didn't know it was her at the time, I *thought* it was me, but once I found out what happened, I understood where the sudden pain came from. So I asked the paramedics who arrived on the scene if she was dead when they got there and they told me no. They said, she was alive for a about five minutes *after* they got there. And that's not even counting the time it must have taken them to arrive. After hearing that, I sought out the doctor and asked him if he thought my mother had been in any pain before she died and the fucker flat out lied to me.

So yeah... aside from the fact that I don't trust doctors at *all*, I also know that spiritual connection exists. And when I close my eyes and picture Ruby, I can still see her. She is still here.

And if one of these men, Alex, Damien, Mickey, Tiny, or whoever - it doesn't even matter to me which of them it is - doesn't start taking my claims seriously and go looking for her, I will go looking for her myself. Even if the only way to start is by contacting the police.