Lyon
Chapter 132

After settling down with his wife and kids, Colton Lyon just wanted to put his past behind him, but now it looks like that past had come back to bite him in the a*s. Now he’s found himself hooked up with a mixed bag of bikers and military types, whose mission is to take down a group of high profile parasites, who’re into everything from human trafficking to who knows what.

On top of that he’s got a fifteen year old daughter, the apple of his eye, who thinks she’s in love, and a five year old who’s gonna be featured on America’s Most Wanted before she’s fifteen, if he doesn’t keep an eye on her. And then there’s his mother and his wife, the Xmas freaks, who would raise all kinds of hell if the season doesn’t go off without a hitch.

So between watching his six, trying to hold himself back from killing the little snot nose kid who’s been sniffing around his first born, he’s got to make sure his wife’s holiday season is all that is merry and bright.

***

LYON

***

“It’s the holidays, you know what that means, it means Kat and Elena are going to be starting their shit any minute now and I don’t have time to f**k around. I can’t keep them contained if they take a ride on the crazy train again this year.”

“Colt, dude you have got to get a grip bro, every year it’s the same shit with you. You let these women run you ragged.” He shook his head and went back to work. We were in my home garage working on a bike for one of my kids and I was getting twitchy.

“Shut the f**k up, like they don’t have you hauling shit you f**k.” This morning Kat tried to trap me with the p***y as usual, which meant she wanted something, and since p***y was on the breakfast menu with kids in the house and a baby in the nursery, it had to be big.

I’m not sure as yet why she was sending out her lure, but my powers of deduction says it has something to do with the holidays. Every f*****g year it’s the same shit, my house looks like the North Pole upchucked and the grandparents lose their f*****g minds along with their decorum.

Fifteen years and these f***s are still at it. Daniel, Drake and Cyrus try to outdo each other in the gift department and Elena turns my house into a bakery with her shit. I made the mistake of having one party at my house and now it’s an every year thing.

“Well, what is it this time? We haven’t even had turkey day yet.”

“Don’t you understand you a*s? That’s when it starts. You remember last year? Before the damn turkey had been digested they were planning a shopping trip and somehow I got dragged into that shit.”

“Not for nothing Colt, but I think I prefer their shit to yours. It’s nice to have a little peace and quiet around here without some crazy f**k gunning for us.”

“And whose fault is that? Who was the one that foisted her off on me? I still owe your a*s for that one.” He still thought that shit was funny, the way he’d got one over on me when he first introduced me to my wife, the woman of my heart.

“I’m thinking you came out on top on that deal bro, you owe me.”

“What’re you two talking about?” Kat appeared in the doorway at the top of the stairs. If I was in a good mood I would appreciate her beauty after all these years but I knew the little sneak was up to something and I needed all my wits about me.

“Nothing, go back inside it’s cold out here.” Nosy a*s. She gave me a look like she’d heard every word before sauntering down the steps. She doesn’t listen for shit.

“Kat it’s cold, you just had a baby back inside.” She pouted but had the good sense to haul her a*s back up the stairs.

“I just came to tell you that your parents are here.”

“The f**k they want?”

“COLTON.”

“What?” The older those two get the worse they become. Daniel was hitting the pipe like he thought it would stave off old age and Elena has taken her nosy shit to a higher level.

Between them, my wife and kids, I am so f****d. Kat and her f*****g golden p***y got me into this shit.

“Jared, why is your boy looking at me squinty eyed, what am I supposed to have done this time?”

He laughed and pretended an interest in what he was doing. The f**k still thinks it’s hilarious the way she runs circles around me. But this year I plan to put a stop to her shit. My life is paradise: I have a beautiful wife, six- count them-six amazing kids, and a business that’s been growing every year.

The only fly in my ointment, are these very same things. My wife is a sneak, her kids, especially her daughters, are doing everything in their power to put me in an early grave and my business has exposed me to some of the dumbest f***s in creation. Now this one and her mother in law are trying to make my a*s nuts.

“Katarina, whatever you and your mother in law have planned please leave me the f**k out of it. Tell that old lady I’m not doing shit this year but sitting on my couch and watching the game.”

“You can tell her yourself and while you’re at it you can explain to your kids why their holiday has been spoiled because daddy is a Grinch. Oh look, here’s Catalina now.” She had the nerve to grin before going back in the house; she’d set me up.

The leader of Hitler’s youth came into the garage just then. To see this kid you won’t be blamed for thinking that she’s all that is sweet and wholesome. She looks like everybody’s idea of the perfect little angel, down to the blonde curls that riot around her head, and her mother’s unusually beautiful eyes. But in that chest beats the heart of an old despot.

“Hi daddy, whatcha doing?”

“Nothing kid what can I do for you?” She gave me her signature look, which meant she was about to zing me.

“Oh nothing, grandma’s here and grandpa; guess what?”

Shit, that’s her favorite drive daddy to drink game. “I don’t want to guess why don’t you just tell me?”

“Grandma said that we’re all taking a cruise for Xmas.”

“The f**k?”

“Ooh daddy you said the bad word.” Her eyes had that light in them that makes me twitchy.

“Sorry baby come here, daddy didn’t mean to say the bad word.” I glared over her head at a grinning Jared, the a*s. What the f**k is Elena doing? How the f**k was she expecting the weed head to last on a ship for that long without his stash? All I have to do is get dad on my side and put a monkey wrench in this shit. But first, when it rains it pours in this bitch so I knew there had to be more.

“What else did grandma say?”

“I can’t tell you it’s a secret.” The little thief held out her hand palm up. I’d like to know where the f**k she learned the shakedown. I know you’re not supposed to compare your kids, but this one is nothing like her sister, and she’s worse than the boys.

“Catalina you wanna eat dinner tonight?”

“Of course what kind of question is that daddy?” she gave me her mother’s eye roll ‘daddy’s stupid’ look.

“Well, if you wanna eat and sleep here you’d better tell me what grandma said, now take your hand down.” You have to be firm with this one, trust me; she’s not like any five-year old you’ve ever met in your f*****g life.

“Daddy, I don’t think you can do that, daddies and mommies are supposed to feed their kids, it’s the law, teacher said so.”

Teacher has a big f*****g mouth.

“Okay then, if you don’t tell me then I’m not getting you that chemistry set you want.”

“So? Santa will get it.”

“She’s got you there bro, better give it up.”

“Why don’t you go on back inside Catalina you’re giving me a headache.”

“Okay daddy but I’m pretty sure you’re gonna wanna know what else grandma said.” She hopped up the steps and turned to smirk at me. Where the f**k did Kat get this kid from?