Becoming Alpha’s Personal Caretaker
Chapter 86

Lauren's POV

Victor rarely smiled but when he did, it was like warm sunshine in wintertime. I looked at him and couldn't help smiling back. Before I met Victor, I didn't have any anticipations for my future partner and had never imagined what my children would be like. To be honest, if Michael and I had really got married, we would've been caught in a loveless marriage as all the arranged marriage couples did. Even the best result for us could only be that we would be respectful to each other but that was it. We wouldn't have any expectations about our future together. Breaking off the engagement turned out to be the best thing that had ever happened to me because it let Victor and me meet each other.

I nodded and chuckled as he smiled at me, "Yeah, I'm really looking forward to having a pup that looks like you. Will he or she be all serious like you? Or will he or she be a sweetheart? I'm excited about this but..."

I paused and heard the children talking inside and it sounded like music. Thinking of the little boy we just met, my heart softened. He was innocent and adorable like a little angel.

"But what?" asked Victor softly.

"I'm not sure if I can be a good mother."

Victor was quite perceptive and he noticed what was wrong, "Is it because of your mother?"

At the mention of my mother, the memories of what happened in the ward today played in my head all over again. Staring at the clear blue sky outside the walls, I said dreadfully, "Yeah...In my memories, she's a gentle and beautiful woman with a lot of pride." Victor rolled his wheelchair closer to me and our shoulders touched. I could just tilt my head and put it on his shoulder easily. He always did that, comforting me without saying anything. After some time of silence, Victor asked peacefully in a deep voice, "Did you ever hate her, Lauren?"

"No," I said with no hesitation, "I don't hate her."

I knew Victor would ask me that question. As a woman, my mother Martha was betrayed by her beloved mate and she was too proud to take it. She eventually chose to end her life. Though her way of dealing with it was extreme, I didn't blame her. Maybe she just found it too suffering to live at that moment. When I was young, I once had such a thought that why wouldn't she be braver and tougher? But then I realized I shouldn't have that kind of thought. I was not in her place and I couldn't feel what she was feeling at that time. But I knew it must be suffocating.

She eventually cut off her connection with her mate but as a mother, she forgot about her child when she chose to commit suicide.

What would a little child's life be in a family with a betrayed father, and without her loving mother?

"I don't hate her," I said, "I just feel bad for her and I'm also confused. For all those nights after she was gone, I had been lying in a dark room and wondering why my mother left me behind and...didn't take me away with her. When she made that decision to end her life, did I ever come to her mind? Did she ever hesitate for one moment?"

Victor just sat there and listened to me. He had always been a good listener.

"How devastating should it be to make her choose to die even when she had a daughter to take care of?" I said slowly. My chest was tightening up but it didn't actually hurt. In my memories, my mother had always been proud and gorgeous. But when she found out her mate cheated on her, she chose to end her life in the most brutal way. I was both puzzled and heartbroken. Why would she make such a decision back then?

But she was gone now and it seemed that this question would never be answered.

"That's why I don't hate her. She gave me life and...we had a wonderful time together."

Speaking of this, I paused and peeped up at Victor. Seeing that the look on his face was still the same, I was finally relieved. Victor used to live in this orphanage. His family might be even more complicated than mine. I continued, "That's why I don't know whether I can be a good mother or not."

I wanted to lighten up the mood and said, "You have no idea how much the children in the hospital are scared of me. They think I'm some kind of devil and none of them dares to come and look at me."

"They're just afraid of your white coat," Victor said with a straight face, "Eli loves you. He likes you better than me even though you've just met."

"Maybe he's just scared that you might scorn him."

"And he knew I wouldn't do that as long as he hid behind you."

"You're really..." It was getting harder to argue with this guy now. In the past, he was always too snarky but now he was a pro at sweet talks.

Victor smiled and took my hand tightly. He said calmly yet firmly, "It's okay if you don't know how to do that. No one has ever taught me how to be a good father. We can learn how to raise our children together step by step." The heat of his hand warmed my heart.

We hadn't even become real partners yet and now we were talking about how we should raise our children.

Thinking of this, I started to wonder what young Victor would be like, "What about you? What were you like when you were little?"

He stared off into space and was caught up in his memories. But he still looked the same. I couldn't tell how he was feeling at the moment and couldn't see through him. He said indifferently, "When I was little...life was boring. Look over there." He pointed at a corner that was surrounded by high bushes. If a kid was hiding there, no one could find him.

"I used to love hiding over there or in my bedroom. It was actually kind of nice because I had my own room so it was okay if I stayed there for a whole day," Victor sounded so calm as if he was telling somebody else's story, "however, Mrs. Katrina thought I should come out and play more often. But I didn't wanna play those childish games with those kids and talked about boring things all the time. So I still chose to be alone even when I left my room."

Staring at that bush, I could imagine what it was like for a little boy hiding in the corner alone. He was staring at the sky above the walls and looked oddly cold and serious. At the same time, in a luxurious estate of another tribe, a little girl was hugging her doll in the corner, listening to the laughter coming from the garden outside the window and lowering her head.

Once, we were all lonely.

At that moment, something was stirring deep inside my heart and I had got some strange feelings. I suddenly said on the spur of the moment, "Victor, when Kent comes back, you can mark me."

Even for a staid person like Victor, this sudden twist in the plot made him stunned for a moment. He couldn't believe what he just heard and asked, "What?"

"I said," I looked at that corner surrounded by bushes instead of him and said in a firm tone with a smile, "mark me, Victor, after I help you find Kent."

He held my hand tighter as his golden eyes glistened. He couldn't help smiling, "Lauren, have I told you I loved you?"

I came closer to him and giggled.

"You have. Many times."

He became silent for some time and asked, "Lauren, can we put the surgery forward?"

I pursed my lips and was a bit speechless. It was hard to imagine that Victor could get so impatient like this, "We've already set the date. The time of your surgery is set according to your physical condition."

"Oh, I know. I was just asking," Victor said with a hint of regret, "I hope that guy could hear you and wake up right away. He's taken enough rest and it's time for him to wake up."

I knew he was talking about Kent.

The leaves were waving and the rustle was like a message from Kent.

Victor added, "Lauren, since we're about to become real partners, I promise you I'll come to you every time you call out my name." "Whenever and wherever."