A Howling Heart
Chapter Fifty-Seven

I can feel the change in my bones. It's this sparking ache that rolls through all of my nerves until I'm almost rabid with desire. I can even smell Matias when he is near. My mate's scent is vital - it's coaxing - and it takes everything in me not to

run through the hall and throw myself in his arms.

Tonight is the night.

Tonight, I will be his.

His husky voice invades my mind like it always does. "You are already mine."

Well, tonight, it will be official.

"Yes, it will be." I gaze at myself in the mirror, hands moving along my body, as I think about the change. I imagine the pain of my bones breaking and shifting, the physiological effects of going from human to animal. I hope I'm strong enough.

"You are the strongest person I know."

You are only saying that because I am your mate.

"I am speaking the truth. You are perfect for me."

I stifle a smile by biting my lip, sighing as my fingers twitch at my sides. With each minute passing, I know the inevitable is coming. I am frightened by the uncertainty of the evening.

What is the ritual of a blue moon?

I hope to hear Matias's voice in my head again, but I am disappointed when I don't hear a response.

I guess he wants to keep that a mystery.

The thought makes my heart pound, but the anxiety doesn't remain for long. I hear his footsteps down the hall, and the hairs on my body stand on end. I'm met with his smell just as he stops in the doorway of his room.

"The blue moon is..."

He stops, eyes moving down my frame as I turn around to level a sultry gaze with him.

"It is a night when spiritual boundaries cross and the mating of an alpha and his queen can be solidified."

"Wow. That sounds Intense."

His laugh echoes in the room, hearty and thick, until it warms my veins, and I feel my original worry ebbing away. He steps into the room with a look of admiration as he moves his gaze along my face. "With us, it will be."

He moves until he's right before me, his hand raised to caress the side of my cheek. His eyes become hooded with desire as a spark passes from his fingertips into my skin, and I gasp with shock. "Oh, how I just want you right now..."

"You have to behave. Only a few more hours left... and then I am yours to do as you please," I say.

"Tell me, anima mea," he begins.

"I- I can smell you... even feel you before you're in front of me." I divert my ashamed expression down to the ground. He pulls away his hand and steps into me so his chest is pressed against mine, and I have no choice but to look up at him. "That is the wolf's instinct. Your body knows the transition is close... knows you will mate with me. It's to be expected, my soul."

He gives me a small, reassuring smile and sighs. "Come."

He grasps my hand, licks his lips, and nods to the bathroom door. "Take a bath with me."

"B-But I'm already dressed." I stammer my response, aware of how nervous I sound, and it makes me want to kick myself. I'm about to be this man's mate, and he still makes some naive, scared little girl come out of me whenever he's around. Matias chuckles. "Too bad you're going to get them wet," he teases and scoops me up.

The cockiness in his voice makes my face heat up.

I let him carry me to the bathroom. My eyes move over all the modern fixtures, and they stop to linger on the soaker tub. The air in the room begins to vibrate with a need that's shared between us.

Oh, I hope I can be strong enough to resist this instinct inside of me....

I will be his soon enough.

He tenses for a moment before he sets me down.

"I can have self-control...". His words are followed by a deep breath of air he lets out, accompanied by a lustful gaze.

That was not convincing.

But I will trust him.

He lifts his hands to your belly, fingers softly grazing the skin that's bare for his eager hands, and with each lasting moment that he touches you, you feel your self-control taking a morbid blow. It's fine.

I've waited years to finally fall in love...to solidify my commitment to someone. What's a few more hours?

He growls and clutches my hips, yanking me into his firm, muscular body.

"You drive me wild. You know that? In the morning, noon, and night, I am driven by a crazy longing for you. You don't understand how much torture it was for me to lose you. I-" He stops talking and clears his throat. "I could've given my own life up in that moment."

"Matias..."

He lets out a deep breath and falls to his knees before me. "Fae. I can't go through that again. I am not strong enough to hold back. I will destroy the world and then myself."

I watch tears fall to the ground as he bows his head.

"You are my entire world. Beginning, middle, and end."

I drop to my knees in front of him, my hands reaching for his. I take his hands firmly and place them against my chest. "Matias, look at me, please?"

His jaw clenches, but he doesn't raise his head.

"Please?" I take one hand and stroke his shoulder, up his neck, and cup his cheek. "My love, look at me."

He lifts his head, and my breath hitches. His face is red; anger and despair grapple with him right now, but his gaze softens a fraction as our eyes meet.

"Do not ever say that you would harm yourself, understand? I cannot bear it. The thought of something happening to you would raise me from the dead." I chuckle and shrug. "It did once. It'll happen again. Can you please promise me if something happens, you will never do that? I need you to swear!"

He shakes his head, and I release his hands and cup both sides of his head firmly. "Matias," I said warningly.

"Fae, I cannot," he snaps and removes my hands from his face. He stands and pulls me up to stand with him. "I cannot promise something I don't plan on honoring."

I remove my hands from his.

"Matias... if you don't promise me this, I am leaving this bathroom right this minute." Our gazes hold steadfast, challenging one another, daring the other to cave. When he doesn't speak, I huff angrily and glare at him. "Fine! Have it your way! Enjoy your bath alone!"