A Howling Heart
Chapter nineteen

I've resisted all that I can. I want Matias. My body craves him regardless of my stubborn mind. Who am I to pin one against another? I should just give in. I know it'll feel so right, so destined to be his in complete truth. The needy groan from Matias's mouth signals he can still hear my thoughts. He aligns with them, desiring me as badly as I desire him.

Will he unleash the beast within?

"I can't claim you as mine. Not until the blue moon," he hisses and rips his grip from the chair attempting to move away but I stop him by resting my hands on his hips and tugging him to me. "Not even a kiss?"

His gaze darkens even more. "I'm not sure I'd be able to stop myself. I don't have the self-control."

"I have enough for the both of us. Just once-"

I reach for the back of his neck, pulling his mouth to mine. The soft warmth of his lips is intoxicating. A moan leaves my lips, and he swallows it excitedly.

He pulls me from my chair, sits in my place, and firmly puts me on his lap as our kiss deepens.

I'm floating on a cloud, unable to pull myself down back to earth as his hands roam my sides, squeezing just low enough to graze my bottom. "Matias," I cry out when he breaks our kiss to trail his mouth along my jaw and neck. "That feels wonderful!"

He thrusts up against me and moans against my neck. "You feel how crazy you drive me? How badly I want you? You are my heaven and earth. I would give anything for you. Anything."

I throw my arms around his neck, tears pricking my eyes at his admission.

"M-Matias, if we don't stop now-"

His hands slip beneath the baggy shirt I'm wearing, his fingers grazing up and up until they near my chest.

We have to stop.

I throw myself backward off his lap, compelled by an unknown force to put some distance between us.

"No," he growls, rising and reaching for me, but I put my hand out to stop him.

"One of us needs to have self-control, remember?"

His jaw ticks. "I don't care."

"You will when you come back to your senses."

We stand there, staring at one another, breathing heavily as the electricity of our lust dies down with each passing second. Finally, he nods. "It's too dangerous. I have to stay away until then." He can't have me until the blue moon.

He keeps repeating it. It must be incredibly important to whatever transition we are supposed to have as a mated pair.

"It is prophesied. Until the blue moon, I cannot enter you. And even with restraint, my willpower lessens the more we near the blue moon."

"Oh...I see..."

He moves to the other side of the couch to distance himself from me. I sit back down in the chair and let out a deep breath.

"Why am I chosen? Why is my mother?"

"Bloodline. For thousands of years. From the moment you were born, you were destined for me. That's what's led you back here..."

"And what about mother?"

He tenses at the mention of my mother, and as if she can almost hear the conversation in her dreams, she stirs atop the couch, and I hush my tone. "Why didn't she mate with Esai? Why did she choose the curse over him?"

What did he do to make her hate him that much?

Matias's eyes darken. "You'll have to ask her that. But I would say it was Esai who was betrayed... not your mother. She had a duty to her pack and fate, which she denied. And the consequences were grave." He spins around, his muscles all flexed and his body stiff with each movement. "Her chances for redemption are running out."

He begins toward the door, stopping to call one last time over his shoulder. "I only hope you make the right decision and accept me for what I am your mate, your soul, your Alpha, completely."

He leaves me, and I wish I was bereft of disappointment, but even I can't help but feel a loss from his absence.

An hour or so later, after some mindless sitting next to my mother, a pair of shorts is tossed on my lap, and I frown, turning to see Matias.

"What are these for?"

"Piece of mind."

Thank god. I hate being indecent.

That's how I know this mating thing won't work. I don't even like being in my underwear around people, let alone completely naked and having sex... something I've never done before in the first place.

He scoffs, clearly eavesdropping on my thoughts, but he doesn't say anything as I stand and pull the shorts on, fastening them quickly. I feel his eyes on my fingers as I button the shorts, and when I look up, that look of hunger is in his eyes again, but he rapidly blinks it away.

"When will she wake up?" Anxiety grips me. The fact she hasn't yet is hard to endure. I am growing weak in my faith.

"Give it time. It varies."

I sigh frustratedly and peer down at my mother with concern.

"But trust me, she will wake up. That I promise you."

I'm confused by the edge in his voice and the way it makes my skin crawl. As if something horrible is inevitable, and only he is in on the secret of it.

As long as she's okay, that's all that matters.

"Have you eaten?"

I shake my head, aware that it's been a full day since I've last eaten.

That could be why I feel faint...

That or Matias's closeness. He's so intoxicating.

I gasp lightly when I feel him beside me, and his hand rests on my arm.

"Come. Let me feed you."

He captures my chin with his other hand, and I turn my head to look at him, and I realize how intimate he's being.

Like, feed me, feed me?

"Yes. You are mine to take care of. Mine to nourish. My soul."

That's incredibly intimate...should I let him?